from the ashes

while its all fine and dandy to take a break from something
at some point in time you must pick up the pieces and go again

failure is nothing more then a shadow of opportunity
a test
a chance to start over
this time more diligently
more courageously

but if you always do what you've always done
you'll always get what you've always got

now is the time to risk it
chase the fear away so far you cant even remember why you were so scared
remember what you've done
where you've come from and more importantly
where you are going

&& if nothing else
remember why
why you've made this journey
this is not the end of this map
we're not finished just yet

remember where this journey ends.

limitless

motivation isnt something that can be handed to you
it isnt something that can be bought or sold
you cant even make the conscious decision to be more motivated

motivation comes from within
way deep down in the depths of your soul

being motivated is all about knowing what you want
&& BELIEVING in your ability to achieve it
its difficult to have motivation without purpose

setting goals and to want to achieve is one thing
but you must be willing to chase after them in an unstoppable manner
you must want to achieve them
&& i mean really want them, more than anything
be willing to do ANYTHING

but the first thing you have to do is start believing in yourself again

when there's nothing left inside of you, you must continue
otherwise you've done nothing more then waste everyones time

I am here for a purpose && that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth i will apply all my efforts to become the highest mountain of all &&
I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy

the only thing that matters now,
is what you do next.

never give up

the harder you train, the luckier you get!

persevere
never give up

your time will come

Doubt

Doubt, in this sport you cant ever afford to doubt.
if you doubt yourself, you will never get anywhere in life,
but more importantly, don't ever doubt those around you
dont ever think they cant do something and that your safe
because people doubt me and i surprise them constantly
in track, you dont ever want to be surprised by your competitors,
you must be ready and expecting a fight
every single day

so when it happens, you know how to respond to the challenge.

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable.

Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.

The fact that some are hoping you fail ought to be enough motivation to succeed.

"its a little for alot
&& alot for a little"

one thing ive realised over all my years in this sport is
the harder you try, the worse you fail
when you run, if you try to hard,
tighten up and muscle through it
you will invariably run slower.
when you run with maximum efficiency
it should actually feel easy
Athletics is closer to a dance the a sport
it has to be well choreographed, smooth and
to all outward appearances, effortless.
hence, a little for a lot.

However, in the sport.
it seems like your pulling a truck uphill.
you tend to put so much effort in at training
hours of effort
days of pain
weeks of persistence
for little reward
Hence, alot for a little.

its hard for people to realise that in this sport
you have to give everything you have at training
but almost not care at competition
because, you have to show up to the comp ready
stick to your plan, relax, and enjoy that run
and hope the hard work takes care of itself
and if you really have worked hard
success is only a matter of time

WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EFFORT
NOT THE OUTCOME

ignite

everything happens for a reason

this is His reason

everything worth having is worth fighting for

&& everything that has happened has led me to this very spot

this very place i am supposed to be

anything that comes easy isnt worth it

you cant parcel out freedom in pieces

freedom is all or nothing

you cant just dream a dream and have it come true at first attempt

you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it

it wasnt meant to be

it was meant to teach

inspire

motivate

create courage

create fight

ignite 

this is where battles are won and lost

the difference between living and dying

its in my control

to get up and keep fighting

or give up

The man who found the most Gold in history dug only 6-inches past where the last man quit

opportunity

dont wait,
CREATE

no matter how hard you try, you cant stop me.

this is me saying enough is enough

this is me finally not faking my belief in myself

this is me taking a risk

this is me saying all or nothing

this is me, being me

this is me succeeding.

you put the walls up, and ill break through them

you set the boundaries and i will push them

you tell me whats impossible and ill prove you wrong

you say i cant do it...

watch me.

dream deferred

take everything
leave nothing

2012 bank deposit

"It's impossible." said pride. 

"It's risky." said experience. 

"It's pointless." said reason. 

"Give it a try." whispered the heart.

make each day your masterpiece.

every day is THE day

Appreciate the pain and the torture the body endures as it always recovers and returns stronger the next day

Dont sweat the small stuff

Ask yourself this question:
"Will this matter a year from now?"

Every minute

And if I was to be totally honest with you
I'd tell you I hate it
I hate training
I hate running
I hate competing
I hate losing
I even hate winning
I hate it all

But I'm addicted to the way it makes me feel

What I can only assume a drug addict feels
You hate what it does to you
You hate what it's doing to your life
But you can stop
Because you love the way it feels
The way it makes you feel

So you can't stop
You just sit and wait impatiently for your next fix
Knowing how much you don't want to
But also how much you NEED it.

And as much as you hate it you know you wouldn't have it any other way

Athletics is my drug

Guts

i ran at uni games yesterday on a strained hammy.
its been stuffed for about 3 weeks now and i recently re-hurt it on monday while being a idiot.
so i ran yesterday, despite every bone in my body telling me not to
so nervous of actually tearing it and having to sit out another month
but lucky for me, i still won
honestly, its the first time in my life i actually thought to myself, "hey, im pretty good at this"
because i jogged, and i mean JOGGED, and i limped over the line, almost hopping, and i still won by a bit.  yeah, competition wasnt amazing, obviously, but there were still a couple of girls in the race i consider to be decent hurdlers.
and apparently i ran my 4th fastest time ever. ahah but i jogged and limped literally the whole way and i think it was closer to 14.6 then 13.6. but how electronic timing stuffed that one up ill never know?

some time you have a run of bad luck,
for 6 weeks ive been injured
probs another 2 weeks easily still to go.
ive competed twice,
through pain you couldnt even understand while being injured.
because when a good opportunity comes up,
wether your injured or not.
you need to work out just how important is that comp to you.

honestly, if its important enough.
id run through anything.

the question isn't "how much more can you take?"

But "how much more you can give?"

Just when you're ready to quit.

Your mind says "push harder".

You listen, sensing an inner strength that wasn't there before.

&& suddenly you discover -- you no longer feel pain.

only a burning desire to do what others cant or wont.

only a burning desire to win.

outside pressure and expectations is the motivation required to be the best.

you have to expect things of yourself before you can achieve them

hope.

hope can unite people
destroy people

or in my case
keep me breathing

hope brought me back from the brink and rewarded me far greater then i could ever imagine



great north city games babbbeyyyy

out of my control

hope is a dangerous thing for an athlete to have

my sport is your sports punishment

I'm on the track 11 hours a week
I'm in the gym 5 hours a week
I've got yoga 3 hours a week
&& pilates 3 hours a week
Pool sessions 4 hours a week
Recovery session 7 hours a week

Then I'm expected to be at uni 6 hours a week
Study 5 hours a week
In the kitchen 14 hours a week
&& an extra 7-10 hours cleaning and washing

I'm up before 6 making lunches
I'm in bed around 10
2 hours a week is spent in chiro
&& Another hour is spent in massage

Not to mention i walk the dog 7 hours a week
spend about 9 hours a week getting ready, showering etc
&& I'm required to have 4 hours minimum every day as "down time" between sessions.
where i am supposed to do very little mentally or physically hard (which i generally dont get)

which leaves me 53 hours a week to sleep.
divide that by 7, giving me 7 hours sleep a night.
Thats if i'm lucky && everything goes to plan.
which it usually doesn't.
But every minute i spend doing something "fun" away from this schedule is a minute less i get to sleep.

&& If you were to ask me if it was worth it.  
I'd say yes everytime.

so how about you fuck off and give me a break
you wouldnt know what hard work looked like even if it punched you in the face

☆☆☆

the shine of which has caught my eye

now is not the time to dwell on he past or rush into the future

now is not the time to worry about winning or even worry about racing

now is not the time to enjoy a welcomed break or let the mind wonder

now is the time to prepare for battle

now is the time to push yourself to the point of death

now is the time for the hard work to get harder

now is the time to make sure those mistakes NEVER happen again

now is the time to remember how it felt

now is the time to show a little courage

now is the time to stand up against the odds 

now is the time

now is my time

less then two years to go

i know what i want

I have no idols. I admire hard work, dedication and competence.

it doesnt matter if you want to be

club champion,

state champion,

national champion,

world champion,

olympic champion,

whichever of the above,

a champion is someone who gets up,

even when they can't.

you dont win races, at any level,

without some form of hard work

out here, the results don't always add up.

this isnt a math test.

this is an entirely different kind of test.

The only things that overcomes hard luck is hard work

i just don't feel like they see the talent i have.

it's not even about athletics anymore, 

its about proving them wrong.

In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport.
You must also be prepared to work hard and be willing to accept destructive criticism.

Without 100% dedication, you won't be able to do this.

harden up

pick yourself up, dust yourself off

&& harden the fuck up.

destiny.

Don't talk to me about destiny.

Destiny doesnt throw up every session

Destiny doesnt clear the hurdles

I dont really like destiny

Destiny doesnt push this hard

Destiny has never caught the bus for 2 hours to training

&& I bet destiny cant to this

By the way, that wasnt luck

behind the blocks, destiny panics.

Destiny doesnt get back up

again

&& again

&& again

Destiny makes excuses

Destiny doesnt remember

Destiny doesnt decide if I win.

i do.

---

Destiny is not a matter of chance,

it is a matter of choice;

it is not a thing to be waited for,

it is a thing to be achieved.

OFFSEASON 2010

the stronger foundation you build,

the taller the building will stand.

this offseason marks the beginning of something more beautiful

then you ever thought possible.

If you want to see me,

you must be quick.

If you want to catch me,

you must be fast.

If you want to beat me,

you must be kidding!

a runners heart is in their feet.

is that all it takes to stop you?

while your inside enjoying the sound of the rain.

i'm out training in it.

risk it.

too often are we scared
scared of what we might not be able to do
scared of what people might think if we tried
we let our fears stand in the way of our hopes
we say no when we want to say yes
we sit quietly when we want to scream
and we shout with others when we should keep our mouths shut
why?
after all we do only go around once
there is really no time to be scared.

so stop

try something you've never tried

risk it

Persevere - running the race of faith.

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is pleasing and perfect." - Romans 12: 2

Whatever you do,

hold onto hope!

the smallest thread will twist

into an unbreakable cord.

Miracles happen. 

Hope is hard to kill.

18 months ago.

18 months ago,

no one really even knew my name.

no one ever spoke my name,

no one noticed me on the track

or noticed me at all

no one wanted to talk about me, 

to me or 

behind my back.

18 months ago,

no one believed in me

i barely believed in myself

18 months ago,

i made the choice to change.

i had two options.

be nobody. 

or be somebody.

i chose to change 
almost every aspect of my life;

to train harder

eat healthier

aspire

inspire

today, i cant honestly tell you 

im everything i wanted to be 

18 months ago

im much more then that

im much more then  

i ever thought i could be

why?

because i dared to dream.

you should too.

you are amazing.

stop wishing for a miracle

you are the miracle 

Words are nothing without the actions and convictions to provide foundation.

watch your thoughts,

for they become words;;

watch you words,

for they become 

actions.

"all that we are is the result of what we have thought."

we shot the moon

inspired to inspire

I WANT TO EAT
LOTS OF
INSPIRATION
AND CREATE

SOMETHING
NEW AND
INSPIRATIONAL

dont give me a footnote when i deserve a chapter

I CANNOTDO IT

Never let it be said that to dream is a waste of ones time.

For dreams are our realities in waiting

In dreams we plant the seeds of our future

Fear is nothing more then an obstacle that stands in the

way of our progress;; in overcoming our fears we can move

forward, stronger and wiser within ourselves.

If you want to live a happy life,

tie it to a goal, not to people or things.

&& dont let anything stand in your way

The only time you run out of chances

is when you stop taking them.

So stand for whats right, even if you stand alone

THERES
LIGHT
EVEN IN
THE DARKEST
PLACES

holding on

I HAVE TO.

Great effort comes from great attitude

my method for success is simple. i don't believe in trying to be better than anybody else i just believe in trying to be better than what i thought i could be.

And it may not happen over night, but persistence is the twin sister of excellence. One is a matter of quality; the other, a matter of time.

Each man is the architect of his own fate, you cannot sit back and expect things to happen, you cant even show up for a race stressing about winning. we are responsible for the effort, not the outcome. Put the work in and you will win. you have to stand on that line and truly believe you have worked harder then the other 7 people.

and yeah, its hard.

and people will rubbish you every step of the way. but victory tastes sweet when taken from the mouths of wankers. because honest hearts produce honest actions. and i dont wanna hear 'try'.

Do or do not there is no try. either you do the hard work. or you do not.

Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become

Who i need to be.

Do your best.

thats all you can do.

always want more from yourself,

expect more,

crave more.

but if you can sit on that track at the end of the day

and KNOW you couldnt have possibly done any more

thats the girl i want to be.

i need to give it all ive got,

coz its all ive got.

the road less travelled

Today,

Tomorrow,

The day after tomorrow

&& the next day im gone.

2678400 seconds

44640 minutes

744 hours

31 days

1 month

1 goal

Don't tell me the sky is the limit

or that i cant do it.

i'm not saying it'll be easy

but you've no right to say its impossible

you dont know the freedom of flying

or the failure in falling

or the feeling of the wind blowing in your hair

so fast you can only faintly hear the crowd

you dont know me

or what ive done

or what ive been though

or what i am capable of

you dont know the horrors of my past

or the beauty of my future.

Make it happen!

And all those days, those minutes and seconds of torture

the peace and freedom in those moments of pain

it all comes down to this.

you can sit on your ass and wish things to happen

you can pray and pray and will them to happen

or you can put your spikes on and make it happen.

If everybody's making fun of you and criticizing you,

then you know you're on the right track

this time next week.

Life is like a photography

we use the negatives to develop.

my photos will be ready soon

its all about the present.

"Don't ever let someone tell you, you can't do something.

Not even me. You got a dream, you got to protect it.

People can’t do something themselves, they want to tell you you can’t do it.

You want something, go get it.

Period."

failed

The most pronounced words

i ever wrote

are the very words i failed to speak.

Take life, one hurdle at a time.

These moments are fleeting.

Live them now,

because you'll never get them back again.

Dream as if you'll live forever.

Live as if you'll die today.

Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes.

It's pretty simple really,

Work hard,

Train smart,

&& It'll happen.

To talk much and arrive nowhere is the same as climbing a tree to catch a fish

“Some people want it to happen,

some wish it would happen,

others make it happen.”

-Michael Jordan

The thing i want most in life, cannot be bought nor sold. But earned.

think, really hard.

&& ask yourself.

are you doing enough?

are you working hard enough,

are you looking after yourself good enough,

are you doing everything you can?

if the answer is yes, then your a lying fraud and you should stop reading this blog and go be mediocre else where, coz the truth is, you could always be doing more.

more reps.

more speed.

more strength.

more technique.

more smiles.

more laughs.

more hugs.

more sleep.

more, more, more.

but when can you sit back and say, i have done enough.

well, you cant really.

There are only a few people in this world that can say they have done enough.

Usain Bolt: 100m World Champion, Olympic Champion, World Record Holder, Olympic Record Holder.

Lance Armstrong: 7 time Tour De France winner and cancer survivor.

There are others who fit this catigory of the most amazing athletes we have ever seen but i have chosen these two for a reason.

The feats both these athletes have accomplished are phenomenal.

Yet both of these athletes have never once said "I've done all i can do"

Bolt is still chasing down his own world record.

Armstrong is training for yet another tour de france win.

so dont sit there and tell yourself you are doing enough

because the truth is you can always be doing more

you'll always have to do more

There is no end to how hard you have to work.

it'll always be harder, harder, harder..

until your day is done.

lack of inspiration

due to this blog being my out source of athletic stress. and having a month of heavy training and no comp and little inspiration this blog will go untouched until i pull myself out of this slump and feel motivated. until then i have started a new blog based on life outside of athletics. i know, i amazed myself when i figured out i had a life outside of athletics.

TheBattleOfWillowCreek.blogspot.com

♥ vampire diaries

"i met a boy,

we talked

and it was epic.

but then the sun came up and reality set in."

dont let the fear of striking out hold you back.

"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing,

you'll stop at the first giant hurdle."

Its going to be my year.

I feel better now. Knowing when my next race is.

It was a tough week for me.

Not knowing what comes next.

not quite sure what i was training for.

Im scared to make to big of a call at this point in time what i have in me.

i'll dwell on my limitations for a few days more before i let the world know what i want.

its scary to think i can run these times.

never in my wildest dreams did i ever think it possible.

i was always the kid who tried her best but never really got anywhere.

so i guess deep down, regardless of the times im running, i still feel like im really not any good. which is the dumbest thing ever. I lie to myself alot, trying to convince myself i am good enough. but i guess it'll take a while to sink in. Its hard to think im good when no one else really rates me.

But who cares what others think?

Times dont lie.

and ive worked damn hard for this.

Dont Let It Pass You By.

Its amazing what we, as people and as athletes are truly capable of.

Over the last year i have been told over and over and over again that i cannot do it.

That i cant run a B-qualifier.

That i cant PB by that much in one season.

That i just cant do it.

It's Impossible.

But i believe in myself, when no one else did, i believed so purely and worked so hard that massive impossible achievements became possible.

Looking back now, i remember i was asked by a certain coach, "why not aim higher?"

I scoffed at the thought.

Higher? Thats absurd, Im already aiming for something beyond anyones capabilities and expectations.

Im already aiming for the impossible.

And he wanted more.

I thought, 'how unrealistic is that?'

i even remember wondering if he was taking the piss.

But it wasnt until today that i realised.

An A-qualifier is very very possible.

and i began to realise, that someone like me,

with unwavering believe

with daring impossible dreams

i began to realise i hadnt set the bar high enough

i am no different to everyone else

and there was a limit to my own belief

i had resigned myself to only a B.

i had put walls up infront of me

and i had shot myself in the foot.

I like to believe that i know what im capable of,

but i, just like everyone else, have no idea whats within me.

maybe the truth is my capabilities are endless.

maybe i could conquer the world, if only i believed i could.

my friends ask me all the time: "Do you think you'll ever win an olympic medal"

i laugh and tell them, "im not talent, just hard work, and hard work will only get you so far"

but who's to say im not talented.

who's to say one day i wont win a medal.

who's to say what i can and cant do.

i'd like to think that I have fought a good fight, I have kept the faith.

but i havent.

i am limited in my success because i was trying to be "realistic"

but again, my body knows only the boundaries of the mind.

not anymore.

"you have to think anyways,

so why not think big!"

Spikes On.

The next time i put the spikes on, it will be to race.

"You cant parcel out freedom in pieces.

Freedom is all or nothing."

One of the best male sprinters ever.

ATO BOLDON

Ato is one of the best male sprint performers in the world with 4 Olympic sprint medals to his name. He was in the controversial World Championships semi-final in 2003 where Jon Drummond made his epic "i did not move" protest.

He has been a hero of mine since Atlanta 1996 where he got two bronze medals in both the 100m and 200m. then backing it up at the World Champs the following year taking out Gold in the 200m. The 2000 Sydney Olympics rolled around and he finished 2nd behind Mo Greene before adding another Olympic Bronze to his collection in the 200m.

Last night, i had the great privilege and once in a lifetime opportunity to have a training session with the man himself.

He gave me a one on one training session in the blocks. taught me all the tricks of the trade. Shared experiences. Renewed Confidence. He is an amazing person. One of the nicest blokes ever as well. i will remember and cherish that moment for the rest of my life.

and the skills i developed last night will provide me with a bright future.

He truly is one of the best athletes ever.

"To become Usain Bolt or Steve Hooker or whoever you want to be, you need to...stop only talking about getting out there and actually do it."

"Talking about being talented and wanting to become the next big thing is not going to get the job done." - Ato Boldon ♥

Sweet Relief

Today, i feel happier.

For the first time in a long time.

Ive been putting myself under so much pressure that ive actually made myself sick with stress.

With a week to go, i know that if im not ready now ill never be, and the stress has left and all thats left to do is run.

really really really fast.

Out from the darkness into the light.

There are two types of people in this world.

Those that let things just happen to them.

and those that make things happen.

Unfortunately, the past 6 months i have been just let things happen.

This season has been such an adventure. And ive just been hanging on for the ride.

Id hate to say it, but this season was easy. not easy in the sense that i didnt have to work hard. but easy in the way that im not working any harder then usual yet every time i hit the track im getting a PB. Its both a blessing and a curse. Its good that all the hard work over the last 16 years is finally paying off but now im used to things just happening. im used to being given the win. given the PB. but i dont think Nationals is going to be so easy. Its definitely mine for the taking, as long as i rise to the challenge.

Its time to make this happen.

Who are you to judge?

People often think that I'm not good enough.

Not fast enough.

Not strong enough.

Not talented enough.

Well ive got something to tell you. Who are you to judge me? You dont see how hard I train or how much weight i lift in the gyms. You dont see how much of my entire soul goes into this. You dont see my bad training days that often end in tears and you dont see my good days either. You have no idea about my training regime or how dedicated I am. You dont know me. Or how much I deserve this && who are you to tell me i dont?

You dont know how much i need this. You dont know my story or how ive worked for this every single day of my life. you have no idea what i'm capable of. I know whats within me, even if you cant see it;

yet.

I will show you how great i am.

The Greatest

All or Nothing.

Well it's real simple:You've got one more major comp, and thats it.

For those who've known me for awhile, and for a long time now you've been hearing me talk about being perfect. Well I want you to understand something. To me, being perfect is not about the times that you run out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship to yourself. Being perfect is about being able to look yourself in the eye and know that you didn't let yourself down, because you told the truth. && that truth is that you did everything that you could.

There wasn't one more thing that you could've done.

I don’t know what to say, really. 12 days til the biggest battle of my professional life. All comes down to one day, the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a foot too late or too early and you don't quite clear it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite make it out of the blocks.

The years of training and sacrifice is all i can hold onto on that line. Its the only thing i can depend on && i have to trust that i have done more work then the others.

Train hard, win easy

"Let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith"

- Hebrews 12: 1-2

All Talk

Some athletes are all talk.

Some talk about hard work.

Some talk about winning

And some talk about achieving greatness.

Some talk themselves up.

While some may talk others down.

There is so much talk going on in a sport that needs nothing but your feet.

The athletes with the biggest mouths happen to be the people with the smallest achievements. And it sad really, thinking there words will change something.

In a sport where mental strength is as strong as physical strength, i get there urge to try and infiltrate there minds, but we're not 12 anymore. && it'll take more then that to knock me down.

I'll let my feet do the talking.

April.

My greatest works of art and sabotage seem to begin in April. April=National Champs and start of the offseason. April, for me anyway, signifies a new beginning - a fresh start. Like the phoenix, I will rise again from the ashes. Perhaps this is the start of a new era. I have a million song lyrics dancing though my head right now and all my body wants is sleep. But sleep is not in sight. My mind will not rest. I want adventure. I want to get lost in the woods like Thoreau, wandering along some ancient stream bed, carelessly finding my way through underbrush. I don't want to worry about finding my way back. Let each bend in the river open up new avenues of sight. Bring new peace of mind and heart. To wake, perchance to dream.

fate.

You can control almost every single aspect of your race.
you control your training.
your determination.
your motivation.
your start.
your middle and your finish.
but the important thing to realize is you can only control what you do. its pointless worrying about everyone else. and thats something ive learned to deal with over the last few weeks. i can only do what I can do. i can only do my best.

then comes a new fact into the game. wind conditions. and you just have to try your best.

I did the best i could. and it was good. But conditions failed me hard.

one race.

There comes a time in every persons life. The time to sink or swim.
The moment when its time to live up to your truest potential and put on display the last 16 years of your life. There comes a time, when you do because you MUST. not because you can. Desire has nothing to do with this moment.
Its desperation.
Discovery.
Belief.
Challenge.
Courage.
War.

A time when you have to find the perfect balance between beauty and strength. Control and courage. The moment, so perfectly choreographed, that if you didn't know any better, you'd struggle to believe it.

A moment so pure, so real. A moment that defines you.
Life comes down to a few moments.
This is one of them.

It is easier to believe than to doubt.

Along with a strong belief in your own inner voice, you also need laser-like focus combined with unwavering determination.

But at first, any belief worth having must survive doubt.

This is how humans are, we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question.

I believe because it is impossible.

I believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.

The Six W's:

Work will win when wishing won't.

It isnt hard to be good from time to time in sports. What is tough, is being good at it every day. A feat I was stupidly trying to achieve. But at the end of the day it all boils down to one hour and fifty minutes of my life. My heat and final in 33 days time. Who cares if you have an off day? who cares if you lose one meaningless race in the lead up. How many races have you seen the favorite falter and lose. Pressure is doubled even tripled when people are expecting things from you. But at the end of the day, the only race that counts is the one that your running.

A fatal flaw in Athletics is we are so busy looking at the short term goal. we never think about the long term. Nobody cares if you win your interclub. your state title. the grand prix. unless you can back it up at nationals, having your name at the top of the national rankings in meaningless. The last 2 years of my life have been a lead up to that very moment. 365 days of training, 365 days of lead up, excitement, dedication and motivation, a life time of training for one hour and fifty minutes of my life. with two intense 13 second periods in between.

When you stand there on that line. What you have done means nothing.
The only race that counts is that one.
and if you havent worked the hardest.
you'll lose.
even if you've beaten them before, if you havent done the work.
You'll lose.

So shut up, smarten up and hit the track.

Work will win when wishing won't.

for the most part of a week.

For the most part of a week, i contemplated my fate.

ive never looked my dreams and goals straight in the face before. it was an intimidating and emotional experience. These dreams i hold so tight in my heart are actually what keeps it beating. who knew? I toyed with the idea of being mediocre. at the ease of it.

My body and soul would be so much better off.

but my heart and sprit would cease to exist.

Facebook was my muse as i sat bed ridden and home alone to dwell on my reality. i was in a dangerous and toxic space full of hate, anger and helplessness. I could do no more then feel sorry for myself and lost all sense of hope and freedom. i felt like a prisoner in my own consciousness. Where sleep was my wonderland. My freedom. and i escaped to it as often as i could. i sat counting the days and even the training sessions i had missed, and the ones i had left to come. i sat there thinking about the athletes who have put the target on my back and were training hard to catch me. and all i could do was feel more angry, more helpless.

I always said that athletics is life or death.

i didnt realise how much i took that to heart.

For the better part of a week, i contemplated quitting.

a word normally not even known to be in my thoughts, not even in passing. but this word lingered and grew in the corner of my mind until it was the only thing i could think about or wanted.

Then, I was then given a choice.

Catch or be caught.

Freedom or fail.

All or nothing

and it wasnt til everyone told me i shouldnt, wouldnt or couldnt come back from this that i realised that i must. not only that i must come back from this but i owed it to myself and to the last 16 odd years of my life. By quitting now, i would have given those who doubt me the victory. after all, this is war. i know the potential consequence of my actions, i know the risk. Like a solider knows the risk of going to war, but he would much rather die heroically in battle then give them easy victory.

All or Nothing.