stop saying that you want something. start working towards something.

its important to remember this is only the beginning.
a lot of people make the common mistake of believing that once you reach the top.
you don't have to work anymore
you're done.
you're number one. 

the important thing to remember.
once you're number one.
there are thousands of people below to trying to over throw you.
not everyone can be number one
not everyone can run those times
but not everyone has too

it just takes one person to train harder then you
one person to want it more
to make the sacrifices you aren't willing to make
to believe

it only takes one person
to make you number two.

this is it.

that feeling.
do you feel it?
in the pit of your stomach
in the depths of your heart

its a spark.
lighting a match.
resonating through my soul
settling on my bones

this is what ive been waiting for
this is the feeling
the undeniable belief
the unexplainable courage

there is no doubt or fear
no cant or wont
i can and i will
no maybes.

i'm ready
i will show you what im made of
i was born for greatness
i know whats within me
just you wait and see.

open the gates.

one week until it all starts again

im getting a little bit sick of reflecting.
a little bit sick of being patient.
reserved.
blocking out every bit of the fire in my stomach.

its been 18 months since i really let loose.
18 months of sedation
sitting on the side lines instead of on the front line.

theres is something burning deep within me
something that needs to be let out.
Agitation and anger consumes it,
ignored and hungry.
its roaring.
its thrashing.

it's ready.

what is strong?

is it a muscle, or something more?
is it measured in miles? or milliseconds?
is it your best time?
or your worst day?

maybe strong is just what you have left when you've used up all you weak.

my body is my weapon

this is how i fight
defend
deter
attack.

this is my weapon

how i defeat my enemies
how i win my war
how i make victory mine.

this is my weapon

this is how i fight.

There is something telling me to do this every single day

Somebody has to be the best
So why not me?

how winning is done.

Let me tell you something you already know. 
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. 
It's a very mean and nasty place 
&& I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. 
It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. 
How much you can take and keep moving forward. 
That's how winning is done! 


Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! 
Cowards do that and that ain't you!


You're better than that! 

the silver lining.

Unless someone can look into the core of your heart, and see the degree of your passion, or look into the depths of your soul and see the extent of your will, then they have no business telling you what you can or cannot achieve. Because while they may know the odds, they do not know you

~ SANDRA KRING

Their is no doubting how hard the last 9 months have been.
The lowest of lows and amazing highs.
And the hardest thing for me hasn't been the agonising pain, or the days i was stuck in bed unable to move, or the times i left training in tears because i couldn't finish a session. The hardest thing for me was ironically also the most important thing for me.

acceptance.

I couldn't accept that my olympic campaign was over before it even started. I couldn't accept that my chances of hurdling again were slim. I couldn't accept that my hard work was all for nothing.

In 2010, I took 0.63 seconds of my time. I went from 14.16 to 13.43 in the space of 12 months. I got a Commonwealth Games B-qualifier and being new to the elite side of the sport I had no idea that wouldn't warrant my selection to Delhi. I worked so hard and fought for so long for no reward. Why is all this important? Because i couldn't accept that i had done all that hard work for nothing.
To add insult to injury, 13.8 made the commonwealth games final. My time was 13.43. The Bronze medalist ran 13.25 - the same time AA demanded i run to be selected in the team.

2 years later, i still had not accepted that. That crushed me into a million pieces. It was my first year focusing on the 100m hurdles and it demoralised me. Since then, I've been drifting. Setting goals for myself because thats what i am supposed to do but they were really just hollow words. I didn't realise how hollow they were until recently.
I don't know what it was that made me think this, but all i know is that if i didn't accept the fact that i was injured, and all the shit things that has happened, world uni's failure, falling at great north city games in 2010, missing commonwealth games, if i couldn't accept that, how could i ever move forward?

The answer was simple.
i couldn't.
which is why my personal best time is still from 2010, 13.43. I have has some impressive races with less wind and even into a head wind, but on paper, i have not PB'd since the year i thought i could do anything.
i was unburdened by failure.
i could conquer the world.

for years i spent cutting corner so i could make excuses if it all fell apart.
that year i did everything right
and still failed

and it hurt.

but now i realise, thats the risk we take.
just like this injury.
sometime in life you are denied things because you were not ready for them yet
and it forces you to grow
and to change into the person you need to be
into the person who you need to become to achieve those things

this is the best thing thats ever happened to me

i will become what i know i am.

The sweat taste of success.

i understand now.

winning is not about the result

its not about the hard work

the sacrifices

the desire.

winning is about the journey

is about patience

and strength

and courage

winning is about acceptance

about peace

and about honour

winning isn't done physically

the battle on the track is just a cherry on top

winning comes from within

and you get closer the more you overcome

the battle of the mind is where races are won and lost

miracle territory

i am responsible for myself
not for the actions of others
i am responsible for the action
not the outcome
i am responsible for the preparation
not the participation
i am responsible for the now
not the next
not the then

i am perfecting today
to make tomorrow brighter
i am breathing life in
working on me
taking responsibility

i believe we are all given a moment
your moment to sink or swim
to push or play
to fight or fail

this is my moment

i am taking back control
taking back the dream
realising my goal

there comes a point in every persons life where you need to stop being "potential" and start being a champion.

why you will never beat me

and at the end of the day, all that matters is what you believe in.
those who believe can make anything possible.
if you believe in yourself, your not just saying, hey guys, i think I'm awesome.
your saying, i dare you to even try and beat me.
your saying, i have worked my hardest
i will do my best
and my best is better then you could even fantasise about

i have travelled through the depths of fear and pain
i have accepted
i am overcoming
and the strength that i have gained along the way is far greater then anything you could imagine

to beat me now,
you must not only have more talent
not only have more speed
not only have more faith
but you must have to endure what i have endured
overcome what i have overcame..
be stronger then i am.

my willingness not to be defeated
to hold my head up strong when everyone would understand if i gave up
that is why you will never beat me.

i have crawled and fought for every step.

you merely wandered.

breathe.

there is an old chinese proverb 

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.  

One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.

No words ring truer, for me, then these.

take a breathe.
breathe.
in.
out.
&& repeat.

know that its not over yet.
know that you can come back from this.
you can come back from anything.


never expect.
never assume.
never ask.
never demand.
just breathe.


life has a funny way of working itself out the exact way its meant to be.


you'll spend days wondering why, how.
you'll spend longer saying when.

don't try && understand everything

because sometimes its not meant to be understood

but accepted 

accept it.


now take what you've been given 
&& make something better


in this moment now. capture it. remember it.

don't let you dreams just be dreams

it really fucking hard
to look past the short term and into the future
to not rush today and ruin tomorrow
to be patient and humble and ready

its really hard,
when you know what you want and not be able to do it
to want more then you can handle

but i guess the secret is
anything worth having is worth fighting for
anything worth having is worth waiting for

it just feels like ill wait forever.

how much do you want it?

you need to ask yourself
how much do you really want it
how long are you going to go through life working hard, for nothing
when you can work 10% harder to get your reward
the biggest mistake people make it mistaking motion for progress
the simple fact is,
a rocking horse has motion. but makes no progress.
and if your just rocking up to training
and going through the motions
your no better then that rocking horse
you have to work harder the that
find your limits
then trample them beneath your feet
you can't just turn up to training
you have to push
you have to work
you have to have desire, belief, trust, honesty.
otherwise, you'll look back in 5 years time and realise
the only thing you have achieved
is wearing a hole in the floor beneath your feet

i dare you to take a little pain

when you start settling for anything thats not the best
thats when its over
thats when you can tie your shoe laces together
and throw them over the telephone wires
make them as far out of reach
because thats where your dreams and goal will always be

in this sport, its not about enjoying life
its about being the best
its about eating oatmeal for breakfast even though you don't like the taste
its about running an extra rep even though you have nothing left
its about staying at home recovering even though you haven't seen your friends in months

its about sacrifices
its about discipline
its about hard work

its about crawling and fighting your way through every set back

its about being the best

most battles are won not in the limelight of the game
they're not won when the crowd starts cheering
when the clock starts ticking
not even when you cross that line

most battles are won somewhere between the hours of self-inflicted pain and agony and the hardest sacrifices.
they are won when I'm training my guts out rather then going out drinking with mates.
they are won while i'm doing extra reps rather then complaining about the pain
they are won when i refuse to be defeated
rather then rolling over and giving up
victory is not achieved on one day
victory is achieved at every single session
victory is working harder then your competitors
victory is believing harder then your competitors

victory is only given to those who work harder then others believe is possible.

"Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character."