As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. 
Satisfaction is death.

why are you all following me?

I choose to listen to myself

rather then listen to others

i choose to live by choice

rather then live by chance

i make changes,

not excuses

i live to be motivated,

not manipulated

i choose to excel,

not compete.

after all, you can't call it a competition,

if no one gets anywhere near you.

lay it on the line

&& What it all boils down to in the end is one question
how much do you want it?

you can't just rock up to training
you can't just get the session done
you can't just have the best intentions
you can't just wish it to happen
you can't just put one foot in front of the other
you can't just hope you're going to do okay

you have to come to training ready
you have to put every ounce of your soul into each session
you have to be willing to work
you have to MAKE IT HAPPEN
you have to push with everything you've got
you have to know, you've done enough to win

you wanna be the best?
go out and earn it!

friends
are
just
enemies
who
dont
have
enough
guts
to
kill you.

&& 5 months later

i spent so much time over the last two years training?
and why?
to make the olympics,
to make commonwealth games
to win medals
to break records

sure, for those reason.
but i spent all that time doing it because i wanted credit.
fame.
to feel that in some way my life isn't as shit as everyone else's.
to feel important.

careful what you wish for coz you just might get it.

since returning from WUG and after a couple of nationwide radio interviews,
i have had so many emails of people wanting me in the companies, as guest speakers and all sorts of other SHIT.
after all, isn't this what i wanted?
to feel important.
fuck i hate it.

guess what dick faces, i haven't made the olympics yet.
guess what dick faces, i deferred uni to focus on running and not so i have more time for your shit

so my uni, who didn't give me a cent for china but paid the way for a student to go as MANAGEMENT now want me to share my experience as guest speaker at a fancy dinner
guess what dick faces, I'm vegan, good luck catering for that.
not to mention they assumed id do it
i NEVER NOT ONCE agreed to do it
not to mention, i have to go alone

yeah good work guys, i can't function in social situations,
i have epic shyness, good luck getting me in front of people talking
stutter stutter stutter no sense

are you fucking kidding me

god, fuck, i hate this shit.

when did i become such a push over
i dont wanna be a nice person
or famous
or important

i just wanna run

so fuck off and let me do that.

We all want respect,

You want it from your teammates, from the fans

You want it from other players

There’s a million ways to get respect

But there is only one way to get the kind of respect that’s undeniable

The kind they can never take away from you

win

&& i want that feeling
so badly.
to know it was all worth it
to know all the hard work has paid off
to know no one can take it off me

There is no terror in the bang, 

only in the anticipation of it

what we never were after all

In every single thing you do, 

you are choosing a direction, 

your life is a product of choices

from the ashes

while its all fine and dandy to take a break from something
at some point in time you must pick up the pieces and go again

failure is nothing more then a shadow of opportunity
a test
a chance to start over
this time more diligently
more courageously

but if you always do what you've always done
you'll always get what you've always got

now is the time to risk it
chase the fear away so far you cant even remember why you were so scared
remember what you've done
where you've come from and more importantly
where you are going

&& if nothing else
remember why
why you've made this journey
this is not the end of this map
we're not finished just yet

remember where this journey ends.