Their is no doubting how hard the last 9 months have been.Unless someone can look into the core of your heart, and see the degree of your passion, or look into the depths of your soul and see the extent of your will, then they have no business telling you what you can or cannot achieve. Because while they may know the odds, they do not know you~ SANDRA KRING
The lowest of lows and amazing highs.
And the hardest thing for me hasn't been the agonising pain, or the days i was stuck in bed unable to move, or the times i left training in tears because i couldn't finish a session. The hardest thing for me was ironically also the most important thing for me.
acceptance.
I couldn't accept that my olympic campaign was over before it even started. I couldn't accept that my chances of hurdling again were slim. I couldn't accept that my hard work was all for nothing.
In 2010, I took 0.63 seconds of my time. I went from 14.16 to 13.43 in the space of 12 months. I got a Commonwealth Games B-qualifier and being new to the elite side of the sport I had no idea that wouldn't warrant my selection to Delhi. I worked so hard and fought for so long for no reward. Why is all this important? Because i couldn't accept that i had done all that hard work for nothing.
To add insult to injury, 13.8 made the commonwealth games final. My time was 13.43. The Bronze medalist ran 13.25 - the same time AA demanded i run to be selected in the team.
2 years later, i still had not accepted that. That crushed me into a million pieces. It was my first year focusing on the 100m hurdles and it demoralised me. Since then, I've been drifting. Setting goals for myself because thats what i am supposed to do but they were really just hollow words. I didn't realise how hollow they were until recently.
I don't know what it was that made me think this, but all i know is that if i didn't accept the fact that i was injured, and all the shit things that has happened, world uni's failure, falling at great north city games in 2010, missing commonwealth games, if i couldn't accept that, how could i ever move forward?
The answer was simple.
i couldn't.
which is why my personal best time is still from 2010, 13.43. I have has some impressive races with less wind and even into a head wind, but on paper, i have not PB'd since the year i thought i could do anything.
i was unburdened by failure.
i could conquer the world.
for years i spent cutting corner so i could make excuses if it all fell apart.
that year i did everything right
and still failed
and it hurt.
but now i realise, thats the risk we take.
just like this injury.
sometime in life you are denied things because you were not ready for them yet
and it forces you to grow
and to change into the person you need to be
into the person who you need to become to achieve those things
this is the best thing thats ever happened to me
i will become what i know i am.
