it really fucking hard
to look past the short term and into the future
to not rush today and ruin tomorrow
to be patient and humble and ready

its really hard,
when you know what you want and not be able to do it
to want more then you can handle

but i guess the secret is
anything worth having is worth fighting for
anything worth having is worth waiting for

it just feels like ill wait forever.

the question isn't "how much more can you take?"

But "how much more you can give?"

Just when you're ready to quit.

Your mind says "push harder".

You listen, sensing an inner strength that wasn't there before.

&& suddenly you discover -- you no longer feel pain.

only a burning desire to do what others cant or wont.

only a burning desire to win.

my sport is your sports punishment

I'm on the track 11 hours a week
I'm in the gym 5 hours a week
I've got yoga 3 hours a week
&& pilates 3 hours a week
Pool sessions 4 hours a week
Recovery session 7 hours a week

Then I'm expected to be at uni 6 hours a week
Study 5 hours a week
In the kitchen 14 hours a week
&& an extra 7-10 hours cleaning and washing

I'm up before 6 making lunches
I'm in bed around 10
2 hours a week is spent in chiro
&& Another hour is spent in massage

Not to mention i walk the dog 7 hours a week
spend about 9 hours a week getting ready, showering etc
&& I'm required to have 4 hours minimum every day as "down time" between sessions.
where i am supposed to do very little mentally or physically hard (which i generally dont get)

which leaves me 53 hours a week to sleep.
divide that by 7, giving me 7 hours sleep a night.
Thats if i'm lucky && everything goes to plan.
which it usually doesn't.
But every minute i spend doing something "fun" away from this schedule is a minute less i get to sleep.

&& If you were to ask me if it was worth it.  
I'd say yes everytime.

so how about you fuck off and give me a break
you wouldnt know what hard work looked like even if it punched you in the face

☆☆☆

risk it.

too often are we scared
scared of what we might not be able to do
scared of what people might think if we tried
we let our fears stand in the way of our hopes
we say no when we want to say yes
we sit quietly when we want to scream
and we shout with others when we should keep our mouths shut
why?
after all we do only go around once
there is really no time to be scared.

so stop

try something you've never tried

risk it

dont give me a footnote when i deserve a chapter

I CANNOTDO IT

Never let it be said that to dream is a waste of ones time.

For dreams are our realities in waiting

In dreams we plant the seeds of our future

Fear is nothing more then an obstacle that stands in the

way of our progress;; in overcoming our fears we can move

forward, stronger and wiser within ourselves.

If you want to live a happy life,

tie it to a goal, not to people or things.

&& dont let anything stand in your way

The only time you run out of chances

is when you stop taking them.

So stand for whats right, even if you stand alone

THERES
LIGHT
EVEN IN
THE DARKEST
PLACES

holding on

I HAVE TO.

Who i need to be.

Do your best.

thats all you can do.

always want more from yourself,

expect more,

crave more.

but if you can sit on that track at the end of the day

and KNOW you couldnt have possibly done any more

thats the girl i want to be.

i need to give it all ive got,

coz its all ive got.

Make it happen!

And all those days, those minutes and seconds of torture

the peace and freedom in those moments of pain

it all comes down to this.

you can sit on your ass and wish things to happen

you can pray and pray and will them to happen

or you can put your spikes on and make it happen.

If everybody's making fun of you and criticizing you,

then you know you're on the right track

The thing i want most in life, cannot be bought nor sold. But earned.

think, really hard.

&& ask yourself.

are you doing enough?

are you working hard enough,

are you looking after yourself good enough,

are you doing everything you can?

if the answer is yes, then your a lying fraud and you should stop reading this blog and go be mediocre else where, coz the truth is, you could always be doing more.

more reps.

more speed.

more strength.

more technique.

more smiles.

more laughs.

more hugs.

more sleep.

more, more, more.

but when can you sit back and say, i have done enough.

well, you cant really.

There are only a few people in this world that can say they have done enough.

Usain Bolt: 100m World Champion, Olympic Champion, World Record Holder, Olympic Record Holder.

Lance Armstrong: 7 time Tour De France winner and cancer survivor.

There are others who fit this catigory of the most amazing athletes we have ever seen but i have chosen these two for a reason.

The feats both these athletes have accomplished are phenomenal.

Yet both of these athletes have never once said "I've done all i can do"

Bolt is still chasing down his own world record.

Armstrong is training for yet another tour de france win.

so dont sit there and tell yourself you are doing enough

because the truth is you can always be doing more

you'll always have to do more

There is no end to how hard you have to work.

it'll always be harder, harder, harder..

until your day is done.

Who are you to judge?

People often think that I'm not good enough.

Not fast enough.

Not strong enough.

Not talented enough.

Well ive got something to tell you. Who are you to judge me? You dont see how hard I train or how much weight i lift in the gyms. You dont see how much of my entire soul goes into this. You dont see my bad training days that often end in tears and you dont see my good days either. You have no idea about my training regime or how dedicated I am. You dont know me. Or how much I deserve this && who are you to tell me i dont?

You dont know how much i need this. You dont know my story or how ive worked for this every single day of my life. you have no idea what i'm capable of. I know whats within me, even if you cant see it;

yet.

I will show you how great i am.

All or Nothing.

Well it's real simple:You've got one more major comp, and thats it.

For those who've known me for awhile, and for a long time now you've been hearing me talk about being perfect. Well I want you to understand something. To me, being perfect is not about the times that you run out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship to yourself. Being perfect is about being able to look yourself in the eye and know that you didn't let yourself down, because you told the truth. && that truth is that you did everything that you could.

There wasn't one more thing that you could've done.

I don’t know what to say, really. 12 days til the biggest battle of my professional life. All comes down to one day, the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a foot too late or too early and you don't quite clear it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite make it out of the blocks.

The years of training and sacrifice is all i can hold onto on that line. Its the only thing i can depend on && i have to trust that i have done more work then the others.

Train hard, win easy

"Let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith"

- Hebrews 12: 1-2

All Talk

Some athletes are all talk.

Some talk about hard work.

Some talk about winning

And some talk about achieving greatness.

Some talk themselves up.

While some may talk others down.

There is so much talk going on in a sport that needs nothing but your feet.

The athletes with the biggest mouths happen to be the people with the smallest achievements. And it sad really, thinking there words will change something.

In a sport where mental strength is as strong as physical strength, i get there urge to try and infiltrate there minds, but we're not 12 anymore. && it'll take more then that to knock me down.

I'll let my feet do the talking.

for the most part of a week.

For the most part of a week, i contemplated my fate.

ive never looked my dreams and goals straight in the face before. it was an intimidating and emotional experience. These dreams i hold so tight in my heart are actually what keeps it beating. who knew? I toyed with the idea of being mediocre. at the ease of it.

My body and soul would be so much better off.

but my heart and sprit would cease to exist.

Facebook was my muse as i sat bed ridden and home alone to dwell on my reality. i was in a dangerous and toxic space full of hate, anger and helplessness. I could do no more then feel sorry for myself and lost all sense of hope and freedom. i felt like a prisoner in my own consciousness. Where sleep was my wonderland. My freedom. and i escaped to it as often as i could. i sat counting the days and even the training sessions i had missed, and the ones i had left to come. i sat there thinking about the athletes who have put the target on my back and were training hard to catch me. and all i could do was feel more angry, more helpless.

I always said that athletics is life or death.

i didnt realise how much i took that to heart.

For the better part of a week, i contemplated quitting.

a word normally not even known to be in my thoughts, not even in passing. but this word lingered and grew in the corner of my mind until it was the only thing i could think about or wanted.

Then, I was then given a choice.

Catch or be caught.

Freedom or fail.

All or nothing

and it wasnt til everyone told me i shouldnt, wouldnt or couldnt come back from this that i realised that i must. not only that i must come back from this but i owed it to myself and to the last 16 odd years of my life. By quitting now, i would have given those who doubt me the victory. after all, this is war. i know the potential consequence of my actions, i know the risk. Like a solider knows the risk of going to war, but he would much rather die heroically in battle then give them easy victory.

All or Nothing.

it happens.

Maybe its not my weekend.
BUT ITS GONNA BE MY YEAR.

Always Smart. Always Forward.

If you want something you've never had,

you have to do something you've never done.

If you keep doing what you're doing,

you'll keep getting what you're getting.

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box.

Fear is a reason for these dreams to stay in this little box. Nobody like to bare the souls and come up empty. No one likes losing, but the trick is; You start as a loser. If you do nothing about it, you stay a loser. The only way to become a winner is to shut the fuck up and train. Millions are training to win. Millions are doing more work then you. Millions are suffering and sacrificing more then you are. They are faster, smarter and more hard working then you are.

But at the end of the day,

YOU CANT CONTROL what everyone else does. You cant control their speed, their power, their belief. You cant control their race, the only thing you CAN control is YOU.

You control your training. Your Belief. Your race.

You cant control the time's they run.

You can only control YOUR TIMES.

It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good am I' That's where courage comes in.

Someone in the world is training when you're not. When you race them, they'll win. Unless your the one training.

Imagine what you could do if you knew you wouldnt fail.